An Inexpensive Alternative to a Whitaker Stairlift

Here's how it works:

When elderly person (A) yells for help, Ringo Starr (B) thinks the Beatles are getting back together and grabs drumsticks (C) causing unabridged dictionary (D) to fall onto unsuspecting Smurf colony (E). Seeing this, impressionable child (F) experiences profound psychological trauma (not shown, 'cus it's disturbing and hard to symbolize) causing him to set fire to sister's Barbie doll (G). Attached fuse (H) leads to large explosives (I) beneath floorboards.

KABOOM! Grannie is sent effortlessly up flight of stairs and onto toilet.